I was on a game show once. When it finally aired I watched it with almost disbelief. THAT’s what I looked like? That’s how I come across??? (See me at about minute 13 here) Well…I like her.
She’s fun, she’s charming, she’s cute, she’s happy, she’s funny, she’s sweet. What’s not to love?
THAT’S how I appear? How is that possible? How to I think it’s one way, on the inside, and on the outside it’s so different?
This was all welcome news, this realization that I don’t suck like I thought I did. Until the realization was gone, I was soon myself, back on the inside again.
Every so often I get glimpses of that other girl, the one on the game show, the one that people tell me about. But mostly it’s been a life of less-than, not enough in any category, apologizing for what I missed, the way I dressed (this ole thing?), what I should have said but didn’t, apologizing for who I am.
What a pity. What a shame. What a waste of time.
It happened again recently. I appeared as the first guest on my friend’s podcast. Instead of a resounding “YES!!” when she asked, I was met with a round of “Really? Are you sure? (like she wouldn’t be), Uh, what do you want me to talk about…?”
You know the drill: “What could I possibly have to say that anyone would want to listen to?”
But something happened when I listened to the recording.
I didn’t want it to end! I liked that girl! I even liked the sound of her voice! I liked how she came across, what she had to say, the funny parts and the parts full of wisdom!
This happens a lot after a photo session when I show my client their images. They can’t believe it’s them. They have to take a minute to catch their breath, sometimes they get teary eyed. “Really, that’s me?”
